


maybe in time

by Lua



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Peter-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6220198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lua/pseuds/Lua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter knew better than to look for romance.<br/>And he didn't plan to fall in love.<br/> </p><p>"I saw that day; lost my mind. Lord, I'm fine.<br/>Maybe in time, you'll want to be mine."<br/>El Mañana - Gorillaz</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe in time

Their lives had no room for romance.

Surely, they could deny it. They could insist in relationships within the small pack of misfits running around Beacon Hills, as if supernatural beings could only ever date other supernatural beings but still, it wouldn’t last. And just like Peter had once told Derek, and they all seemed to instinctively realize it was, at least, easier like this. Even so, Peter recognized denial when he was faced with it.

He didn’t see any reason to break the spell with everyone else; they wouldn’t believe him anyway. They needed a reason to keep them going, a reason for which to care, and if they thought the reason was true love…well, so be it. Peter wouldn’t deny love existed. In fact, Peter believed some of them were unfortunate enough to find that love, but the timing would always be wrong. They would always love each other, and they would never be right for each other.

Peter knew better than to look for it. Maybe he was old and wise.

Or maybe he was smart.

Although sometimes, when he looked at Stiles and his eyes lingered for too long, he felt stupid.

Peter had lost all his chances when he lost his mind. Even before he met Stiles; even before he bit Scott. When revenge became his only purpose, and Peter came out of his coma with a clear goal in mind and nothing to stop him from achieving it, there was no more room for romance in his life. There was no _true love_ or _love at first sight_ that would come into his life in the form of a sixteen-year-old scared boy meant to save him.

At that time, Peter didn’t love Stiles.

Their choices, sad as it was, left them with no room for that sort of selfish happiness.

Stiles had been smart enough to put the pieces together, and that made Peter feel sane again. Not sane enough to heal, but sane enough to be slightly less lonely, and he had been too lonely for too long: it had been damning. Stiles didn’t heal him; revenge didn’t heal him. It brought heartache and grief and it didn’t make anything better; that had been unexpected. He didn’t want to keep fighting then, but he didn’t want to die.

There was no _love at second sight_ either; no tragic story of how he just realized he was in love and lost it all to death only minutes later. There was no loss of love, but there was an understanding that he lost Stiles’ trust. Right then when Stiles threw the Molotov cocktail, it was a clear accusation of betrayal.

That had probably been the first regret that came into Peter’s saner mind. It wasn’t romantic, and when he came back, Peter didn’t plan on apologizing. Peter wouldn’t forgive betrayal either.

It was because it wasn’t romantic, it was because it was ordinary that Peter didn’t pay it any mind. There was some level of understanding between them and _that_ was rare. He appreciated it.

And just as he had anticipated, Stiles was interesting and unashamed about disliking and distrusting him. Truth be told, Derek seemed to encourage everyone to do so, but only his nephew and Stiles seemed to react like Peter himself would. He wouldn’t forgive and he surely wouldn’t forget. It was interesting to Peter that Stiles would be so hurt over an implied promise to not hurt Scott, and even if he hadn’t attacked Scott, Peter couldn’t argue Stiles back into trusting him, so he didn’t apologize. If working together as unlikely allies who wouldn’t hesitate to leave each other behind was what was on the table for them, Peter didn’t mind it. After losing his pack and his family, after losing Laura and Derek (and he knew Derek was lost for him in ways he couldn’t fix), it was nice to have someone around with whom he connected in such a wordless manner. Stiles’ existence as a whole was soothing to Peter, and his presence in Peter’s life was welcomed.

As time passed, Peter learned Stiles played chess on his phone and he wasn’t bad at it, but he wasn’t good either. He never invited Stiles to play against himself, and never mentioned the folded board Derek still had somewhere in the flat. Sometimes Stiles would come around and demand answers before going off over some rant that could count, to someone else, as oversharing; it made Peter snort and roll his eyes but he’d answer anyway. It wasn’t the demand itself but the willingness to trade information for information, the understanding that Peter knew and he could share, that he would share, but that Stiles’ demands were not the cause of it.

Peter appreciated the fact they were both loyal liars. He could respect Stiles stupid courage in joining them against alpha werewolves, because it was _his_ pack out there in danger, too. And it wasn’t love but there was something else there when Stiles went off on Derek, angry the alpha didn’t protect his father and, Peter wondered right there if Stiles considered them pack. He stayed for Cora and helped save her, he fought with them, but they failed his father as his pack.

For the first time in a long time, Peter questioned his own intelligence as he wondered where his loyalties would fall if Stiles cut ties with his pack. He considered kissing Stiles the next time they meet but, when they meet again, he doesn't. It wouldn’t have been the right time.

Peter didn’t plan on falling in love. He isn’t sure he did.

There were rumors of Talia’s claws having been saved from the fire. It was utterly ridiculous, but then Peter thought he was in love with a teenager who sometimes gave him one of his Reese’s cups when he’d dropped by to kill time and poke around for answers about the supernatural. Ridiculousness had been the norm for him for quite some time now. Peter packed up and left with Derek; they got caught by hunters and Peter realized he had been right all along. Love didn’t fix anything. He had missed the conversations with Stiles and one or two passing thoughts of a last kiss occurred to him as he was tortured for information but with a kiss or without it, he returned to Beacon Hills with a missing finger Derek ended up stitching back in place and planning for a nice date had no room when that was your life.

But Peter being aware of it only made it easier for him to start missing Stiles when he stopped visiting. Both Hales could tell something was odd. Peter could feel the loneliness creeping in again. Derek got himself involved; Peter got himself home. Being in love didn’t keep Stiles from being possessed, so he sulked.

Peter knew better than to expect romance to have any part in his life. He could watch the kids run around and play with teen angst and teen love, pretend it would last forever and save them all, when in reality it would very rarely save anyone. And if it did, it would also break them because you’d have to show such ugly parts of yourself to allow them to be loved, too. Peter reminded himself of Lydia and Jackson’s "love" moment, and how they had to break her heart so save him. They’d probably have to kill Stiles, too. When the thought occurred to him, Peter had a brief moment of wondering if he was infatuated with Stiles, or if he actually loved him, and if he could test it by trying to save him. It was such an absurd thought he decided he had spent enough time alone.

Derek was trying to figure Stiles' chess clues, and Peter couldn’t help and feel a pang of jealousy. He knew they’d fall in love, and catastrophes would happen, and death would happen. Love would bring grief. Love would bring distance. They had made a choice and they had chosen infatuation, and a life selflessly saving the day. Peter knew better but to also know he was one of the few who could tell chess was Stiles’ game, it warned his heart. Peter rolled his eyes and pretend it was at his nephew, and not at all at himself.

It wasn’t until Peter learned Stiles never told anyone about his offer back in the parking lot, and that Stiles hadn’t told anyone he had refused the bite, that Peter decided to let himself hope. He smirked and mocked them; he acted as if the bite would be the worst decision possible, and he watched Stiles as he did so. And Stiles watched him back from somewhere behind the spirit possessing his body. Peter told himself he would kiss him if Stiles survive the whole ordeal.

It didn’t have to be true love. He didn’t have to ask Stiles to elope with him, and find a nice house with a cute fence where they could be safe and far away from everything.

Peter stepped back and let the younger pack fight. He watched the sheriff, just in case. It wasn’t a declaration of anything, nor an attempt of wooing. It was respect for someone who understood him. Peter knew he would never get back the chances he once had. He could never make amends strong enough to hold the bridges he burned, and he didn’t want to waste his life trying.

He found Stiles alive and at home three days after they defeated his nogitsune clone. He was tearing down his investigation murals, and Peter stood there watching for some time before knocking at the door. Stiles ignored him, and Peter knew the time would always be wrong. There would never be a moment in which they wouldn’t be scared, because sometimes, they couldn’t control their own minds. It didn’t mean it wasn’t true love but it could be. He would like to take Stiles away from here. He would like to kiss him and keep him safe and take him places he would like to see just for fun.

Peter walked to Stiles, and waited until he turned around before taking one step closer so they’d be chest to chest. Stiles frowned at him for a moment, before Peter leaned in and kissed him. Peter wanted to ask, he wanted to offer a chaste kiss and hold hands but he couldn’t risk his only chance. Peter told himself he would have this one kiss to mark the end of all ‘what could’ve beens’ but Stiles kissed back and it had been a long time since Peter himself had last kissed someone; it was clumsy and thrilling. Peter felt…happy. Peter was selfish, and when he kissed Stiles he wished for more.

Later when he was leaving, Peter tried to remind himself their lives had no room for romance. It didn’t matter how much he pretended, or tried to deny it.

It didn’t matter that he wished that, maybe in time, Stiles would become selfish enough to wish for more, too.

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from the song el mañana by gorillaz (even if it looks rather generic).
> 
> aliimagic betaed it for me (thank you thank you thank you!) and i'm super grateful for all the work.
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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